


Antichrist Superstar: A Black Comedy

by Zarinaea



Category: Marilyn Manson (Band), Nine Inch Nails (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-09-07 11:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8798269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zarinaea/pseuds/Zarinaea
Summary: The funny version of the making of Antichrist Superstar, at least as depicted in "The Long, Hard Road Out of Hell."





	

**Author's Note:**

> STARRING!  
> Marilyn Manson  
> The Big Bad: Nietzsche Wannabe and Smug Snake
> 
> Twiggy Ramirez  
> The Dragon: Psychopathic Manchild
> 
> Madonna “Pogo” Wayne Gacy  
> The Brute: Keet
> 
> Ginger Fish  
> The Evil Genius: Only Sane Man
> 
> Daisy Berkowitz  
> The Dark Chick: Jerkass Butt Monkey
> 
> Co-Starring  
> Trent Reznor and his Five Bad Band:  
> Chris Vrenna, Charlie Clouser, Danny Lohner, Robin Finck
> 
> With  
> Sean Beavan and Dave Ogilvie: Producers  
> and John Malm: Manager and Record Company President. Trying to be Team Dad and failing at it.

_**February 1996**_  
****MANSON:** ** Time to start making the album!  
**TRENT and **DAVE:**** (Playing video games)  
****DAISY:**** So is it about (insert long monologue here).  
****MANSON:**** No, you motherfucker! THANKS FOR RUINING MY WHOLE DAY.  
****DAISY:**** . . .  
****MANSON:**** Fuck this shit, I need drugs. NONE OF YOU UNDERSTAND MAH ~*~ vIsIoN ~*~.  
  
****MANSON:**** So.  
****TWIGGY:**** So.  
****POGO:**** So.  
****DAISY:**** So  
****GINGER:**** So.  
****MANSON:**** So.  
****TWIGGY:**** So.  
****POGO:**** So.  
****DAISY:**** So  
****GINGER:**** So.  
****MANSON:**** Hrm.  
****DAVE:**** (Still playing video games) Goddamn it, Kirby, jump!  
****MANSON:**** Huh.  
****DAISY:**** Bored now. (Leaves)  
****DAVE:**** ‘Scuse me, I’ve got a hockey game to watch.  
****MANSON:**** Oh well. We’ve got time.  
  
_**(Several weeks later)**_  
****MANSON:**** NO ONE UNDERSTANDS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!  
****TWIGGY:**** DRUGS, DRUGS, DRUGS, DRUGS!  
****TRENT:**** You know, it’s been like a month already. Would you hurry the fuck up?  
****MANSON:**** Plebeian, you can’t rush ART. It’s not my fault, it’s yours! And where the fuck is Ginger?  
****TRENT:**** At a strip club, probably.  
****MANSON:**** What about Dave?  
****TRENT:**** I think he went to the movies. Why does it matter? We just sit around all day and stare at each other.  
****MANSON:**** FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF UUUUUUUU!!!  
****DAISY:**** (Playing guitar in the hallway) Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream…  
****TWIGGY:** ** Look at me! I can fly!  
  
_**MEETING #9**_  
****MALM:**** So how’s everything going?  
**OTHERS:** . . .  
****MALM:**** Hmm. Well, whatever. How many songs have recorded?  
****MANSON:**** (Pulling at his collar) Two! And a half! But…  
****MALM:**** (Glare)  
****MANSON:**** Okay, one!  
****TWIGGY:**** But we’re probably going to have junk it.  
****MALM:**** Well, I hope you don’t strain yourselves with that frantic pace you’re keeping. Get out of here, all of you. (To Manson) You wanted to talk to Trent and myself?  
****MANSON:**** Yes. I hate Daisy. I want to fire him.  
****TRENT:**** Um, why?  
****MANSON:**** Because he doesn’t understand what I’m trying to do!!!  
**MALM:** Well, he can join the club, then.  
**MANSON:** I’M GOING TO BE BIGGER THAN KISS!  
**MALM:** Maybe you should learn how to walk before you run.  
**MANSON:** ALL OF YOU ARE HOLDING ME BACK. I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ABOUT THE FUTURE!  
**MALM:** (Smashes head repeatedly into desk)  
  
**DAISY:** Yay! I’m happy!  
**MANSON:** Die motherfucker.  
**TRENT:** (Smashes his guitar)  
**DAISY:** :(  
  
_**MEETING #63**_  
**MALM:** I’ve heard rumors lately–and I’m not going to name names here–but still, that you all have been having problems with each other. So what we’re going to do now is to have a heart-to-heart and get everything off our chests.  
**MANSON:** That sounds really gay.  
**SOMEONE:** (Mutters) Says the man who wears makeup.  
**MANSON:** WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?  
**MALM:** (Pounds on his desk) SHUT THE FUCK UP, ALL OF YOU. Now, we are going to explain all our feelings in a positive manner. Now who would like to confess something first?  
**MANSON:** Is this like where we talk about our families and stuff?  
**MALM:** Sure.  
**MANSON:** Oh well, in that case. . . I think Daisy wants you to know that he used to play with dolls instead of action figures. That’s probably why he’s such a pathetic little sissy.  
**OTHERS:** (Die of laughter)  
**DAISY:** (Glowering) Oh, and I think Manson wants you all to know that his mom was so overprotective, she used to keep him on a leash.  
**MANSON:** Daisy, it’s obvious you’re just jealous that my mom loved me. Your mom, on the other hand, used to leave you at the grocery store in hopes you’d be kidnapped.  
**DAISY:** Hey, remember the Halloween when you came over dressed like Baron Samedi and my niece freaked out and punched you in the nuts? Your voice probably went up about two octaves. Maybe we should try that the next time you can't hit a note.   
**MANSON:** Speaking of your family, I remember Brian Tutunick once told me that you used to have permanent black eyes in high school, cos your sister would kick the shit out of you.  
**DAISY:** Oh, I consider myself lucky to have had sisters. Because then my mom never felt the need to dress me up like a girl and take me on –  
**MALM:** ENOUGH! The next one of you morons who tells me about your feelings will be getting a pink slip under your Christmas tree this year!  
**POGO:** Daisy likes to lock himself in the closet and sob while he punches himself. Welp, it was great working with you guys. See you later.  
  
**EVERYONE:** Crush, kill, destroy!  
**MANSON:** Heh, heh, heh! Massive destruction! Whee!  
**GINGER:** Uh…  
**MANSON:** Hey, let’s play a new game! It’s called throw beer bottles at Ginger! And what we do is throw beer bottles at Ginger!  
**OTHERS:** Yay! (Bottles are thrown)  
**TWIGGY:** I’m bored again.  
**MANSON:** (Sigh)  
**POGO:** (Sigh)  
**MANSON:** Hey, I know! Let’s go and destroy Daisy’s drum machine, a bunch of guitar picks and the four track recorder.  
  
**TRENT:** (Wanders in later) What’s that smell?  
**MANSON:** We stuck a bunch of Daisy’s guitar picks and four track recorder in the microwave.  
**TRENT:** Why?  
**MANSON:** Cos it was funny. And he sucks.  
**TWIGGY:** I’m bored again.  
**TRENT:** Hey, I’ve always wanted to see what would happen if you lit a mixing console on fire.  
**TWIGGY:** I’ll get the marshmallows!  
  
_**MEETING #242**_  
**MALM:** (To Manson) You’re ten minutes late.  
**MANSON:** I am? Shit, I’ll be back in another thirty.  
**MALM:** GET BACK IN HERE.  
**MALM:** It’s been months and all you morons have to show for it is wanton destruction and mounting debt. Today, I was informed that since last night, the microwave and the mixing console have been destroyed. Do you think that this stuff just miraculously appears, that I wave a magic wand and poof? No, it doesn’t. It costs money. And every day who spend your time lollying around, destroying property are days when more and more money slips through your fingers.  
**OTHERS:** …  
**MALM:** Am I wrong here? Because it looks to me that all you’ve been doing lately is whining and pouting like a bunch of goddamned brats who’ve been beaten too much–or haven’t been beaten enough–I’m not sure. I am sure, though, that to you snorting angel dust and giving each other handjobs are very, very useful activities. But if you have decided that such activities are more important than doing what you were hired to do, then you can kindly walk out that door right now and join the local team at McDonald’s. Do you understand me?  
_(Crickets chirping)_  
**POGO:** Cool. We’re all losers. Meeting’s over.  
**MALM:** FREEZE!  
**EVERYONE:** (Whines)  
**MALM:** (Snaps fingers) Patsy, do you have the number of a psychiatrist or something that these goons could talk to?  
**MALM’S ASSISTANT:** What for? Don't we already know that they're all crazy?  
**MALM:** YOU’RE. NOT. HELPING.  
**TWIGGY:** (Raises hand)  
**MALM:** What?  
**TWIGGY:** We’ve never done angel dust.  
**MANSON:** And you don’t really snort it, either. You smoke it.  
**MALM:** Oh, that is IT. I have had it up to HERE with this BULLSHIT. Every time I turn around, I have one of you little BRATS in my face WHINING about how very, very hard it is to sit on your ass and run up expenses. Lately, it’s like I’m your yard teacher, trying to keep you from fighting on the playground. But guess what? I’m not going to do it anymore. You’re all grown men and you should know how to act like adults. But you don’t. And you know why? Because whenever a tiny little inconvenience intrudes into this little childish la-la land that you boys live in, you start screaming like toddlers who’ve just had their toys taken away and you CANNOT do that; you CANNOT LIVE your lives in a fant– (Starts screaming and clutching his left eye) MY EYE!! OH GOD, MY EYE!!!  
**MALM’S ASSISTANT:** (Pries his hand away from his eye, which is all red from a burst blood vessel.) Sir, you need to calm down. Take deep breaths. We’ve talked about this before. Just breathe.  
**TWIGGY:** Does this mean the meeting is over?  
  
**DAISY:** Fuck this. I quit.  
**MANSON:** You can’t quit! You’re FIRED!  
**DAISY:** FINE! I’m taking my toys and going HOME!  
**MANSON:** GOOD. (Sticks his tongue out at Daisy, who returns the gesture)  
**DAISY:** (To Twiggy, Pogo, Ginger, the members of NIN, Dave, and Sean) May you all choke on your own self-importance. Fucking pretentious pricks. (Stomps off muttering under his breath) 'Oooh, I know everything about philosophy and computers and the occult and experimental recording methods…’ KILL ME. (Slams the door behind him)  
(a huge crash is heard outside)  
**DAISY:** (from outside) I might have just tripped and fallen down the stairs, but this is in NO WAY lessens the impact of ... Oooooh... Look at all the pretty colors...  
**MANSON:** Let that be a lesson to all of you. NEVER QUESTION MY DECISIONS– no matter how stupid.  
**TWIGGY:** What’s a decision?  
**MANSON:** . . .  
  
_**(Next day)**_  
**MANSON:** Where’s Daisy?  
**TRENT:** He quit, remember? Called us all pretentious, stomped off in a huff, and then fell down the stairs.  
**MANSON:** No. Why would he do that?  
**TRENT:** Maybe he was upset that we named my dog after him. You know. Cos they’re both bitches.  
**MANSON:** HAHAHA! Some people just have no sense of humor!  
  
_**(Ten minutes later)**_  
**MANSON:** Noooooooooo!!! Everyone is leaving meEEEEEEEEEE!  
**GINGER:** But that’s what you said you wanted, cos you hate all of us.  
**MANSON:** I do hate you. That’s why you shouldn’t leave me.  
**GINGER:** . . . What? No, seriously? What?  
  
_**Meeting #1334**_  
**MALM:** (High on Diazepam) I think you need to find a new guitarist and new producer.  
**MANSON:** Like who?  
**MALM:** (Serene smile) Mmmmm, I don’t care. Go to the French Quarter and pick up a few hobos.  
  
**MANSON:** NO ONE UNDERSTANDS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!  
**GINGER:** We understand; we just don’t care.  
**MANSON:** >:(  
**TWIGGY:** Trent, you’re my new best friend.  
**TRENT:** You’re my best friend, too, Twiggy.  
**MANSON:** >:O  
  
**MANSON:** Hi, Dave! You’re fired.  
**DAVE:** Kill yourself. (Leaves)  
**MANSON:** :(  
  
**TWIGGY:** Hooray! The album’s finished!  
**TRENT:** How in the fuck did that happen?  
**TWIGGY:** I dunno. Manson never really said.  
**TRENT:** So now what?  
**MANSON:** Uh, I know what. I’m getting the fuck out of here.  
**TWIGGY:** Me too.  
**POGO:** And me.  
**SEAN:** And me.  
**GINGER:** Whatever.  
**CHRIS:** And me.  
**ROBIN:** And me.  
**TRENT:** >:O  
  
_**(Two years later)**_  
**MANSON:** I have everything I’ve ever wanted! My life couldn’t be better!  
**MANAGER:** Mr. Manson, sir, this letter just came for you in the mail.  
**MANSON:** (Reading) “Dearest M, I’m suing you because you suck. Love, Daisy. P.S. Nananana na na. Hahahaha ha ha.”  
**MANSON:** >:O  
  
_**(Meanwhile, in a darkened lair not far enough away)**_  
**MALM:** Oh Patsy, it’s so beautiful! I can only hope this means they’ll all spend the rest of their lives pining for each other and die alone filled with regrets. (Laughs maniacally)  
**MALM’S ASSISTANT:** . . .


End file.
